truth.

"Because it’s easier to hate someone than to accept the fact that they just didn’t want your love. It’s easier to hate someone than to admit that you’re hurt."

sf sf, so fly so fresh.

recently enjoyed a short trip to sf with homeboy hagen. here are some of the things we partook in:

• downtown - jollibee, h&m, icebee.
• ate lee's sammies (more than once-that shit is fantastical/ridiculously addicting)
• surprised birthday girl stella - went to bj's.
• club trigger where unfortunately, vu's hand got "sliced" by some ugly dike with a knife - lesbian night be crazy..
• strolled around japan town & indulged in the various stores (fat lace, new people, etc.)
• watched the exorcism of emily rose (some scenes scary as fuck) in jorwin's comfy ass bed.
• sizzler's salad bar, target.
• back to jordan & irwin's place to watch legion. (ughhhh, terrified of that old lady & little girl)

damn, we sure eat a lot, no wonder my cheeks inflated. now jorwin, ste & vu are in vegas without hagen & myself. but at least we got some bomb ass lumpia from beats & lumpia last night. & that girl was soo dope. what's her name? ruby something? hella wanted to see keno & francis perform too, but it's cool, next time nalang.

ps: happy birthday jordan, aka fiance, aka my favorite dinosaur aka boothang :)

like i said, it ain't even like that.

left my heart in

the last time i chilled at dolores park was right after a picnic at baker's beach with most of my closest friends & all three of my bestfriends. i remember swinging, playing hopscotch & going to the spot where the last scene of sweet november was shot with anjo and fonzo. i'm so blessed to have experienced some of my happiest memories with some of the best people, in such a beautiful city such as san francisco. how many people can say their typical day off usually entails thrifting on haight, lunch at fisherman's warf, boat ride under the golden gate bridge, club/bar hopping in castro, & ending the night on top of the city at twin peaks? not to mention- little luccas, king of thai, variety store on clemente, bi-rite, sunset stairs, my favorite cafe, golden gate park & last but not least my down(e) ass homies.

this is why i miss my city.

it's love i swear.

while lying in a hotel bed- in the midst of recovering from an early hangover (via 2 long islands & a very tasty pina colada) i've come to realize that i suddenly made the transformation from bitter to jaded (not when it comes to life in general, but in the love-relationship sense). it's better this way, at least for now.

exactly.

"My girls think I'm single because I'm scared. My boys think I'm single because I'm picky. My mom thinks I'm single because she swears no one will ever be good enough for her "little girl." And for the longest time I thought I was single because I was crazy. Because I was unworthy, because I didn't deserve to be loved. Because I was dysfunctional and stupid.

And then one day I woke up and realized I'm single ... because I choose to be. DUH.

Because I don't need to get under someone just to get over someone else.

Because I can handle being alone.

Because sometimes, dudes can't handle having a beautiful, intelligent, funny, caring, outgoing, and talented girlfriend that gets along with everyone because other people notice she's all of these things too.

Because I don't settle. And this has absolutely nothing to do with looks or money.

Because I don't need to be put on a pedestal by someone else just to validate everything I should've already known.

Because quite honestly, I wouldn't know how the fuck to act in a relationship right now.

And most of all, because when it comes to having a boyfriend - I DON'T PLAY. I make sure it feels right. I make sure it IS right. I make sure I'm not in a relationship, just to BE in a relationship. I make sure I'm not just filling a void my past boyfriends have left behind. I make sure I'm ready. That he's ready. That WE'RE ready. I make sure it's not just some rebound. Not just for "fun." Not just "there." Not just someone to fill the other side of the bed. Not just someone to help me get over the last guy.

Because when it comes to having a boyfriend, I will do everything I possibly can to make the relationship work and make him happy so I want to make sure he's worth it. And sure my judgement may be off sometimes, but you also have to take risk. Because you never know unless you try. So if me being single gets mistaken for me being scared, or picky, or snobby - well then I guess I rather be all that. 'Cuz the last thing I want to be, is in a relationship just because I don't want to be single."

- doowaditty

boom bye bye.

7:45am woke up, literally tumbled out of bed, checked my phone. *one text from tina & nothing else.

7:47am officially flushed my crazy pills down the toilet.

cuz i'm cute, (can be) sexy, funny, down for my bitches, & all that good good that i won't state just so i won't look like a cocky ass over confident beeze.

cuz even though he's cute, sexy, funny, own place, own car, & all that good good - i'd end up building my guard up strong enough to withhold toph's metal & earth bending, i'd end up pushing him away & realize that i'm just not ready- to be hurt or happy.